Happy Sunday everyone.
This week I received a DM from a parent. She wrote, “My child is 7 and very shy. How do you get a shy child to come out of their shell?”
It is such a common question and such an important one.
The first thing I always tell parents is that children and adults come in many different personalities. Some are naturally outgoing. Some are quieter. Some fall somewhere in between and will speak up but do not necessarily love it. All of that is completely normal.
What matters most at this age is the language we use around our children and about our children. They are incredibly influenced by it and they internalize far more than we realize. I have a 7 year old myself and I am constantly surprised by what her little ears pick up, including the things I really wish she had not heard!
That is why the first rule is this. Stop saying your child is shy around your child.
So many parents, with the very best intentions, introduce their child by saying, “This is my child and she is very shy.” When a child hears that over and over, they begin to believe it is part of who they are. It becomes an identity. And very often they use it as a reason not to speak when they do not feel comfortable or confident yet.
Instead of labeling, try reframing.
Say things like, “You have so many great ideas.” Or, “Sometimes you do not feel like sharing them yet, and that is okay, but when you do, people really enjoy hearing what you think.” Then model it for them. Share your own ideas. Think out loud. Show them that speaking is safe and welcomed.
Another important piece is understanding that introvert does not mean shy. An introverted child may simply choose not to speak as much at certain times. They may prefer to observe first. They may need time to warm up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The goal is not to change your child’s personality. The goal is to gently build their confidence so they feel comfortable using their voice when they want to.
If you take away only one thing from this, let it be this. Stop labeling your child as shy. The identity we give our children is often the one they grow into.
With gentle encouragement, positive language, and consistent modeling, even the quietest child can learn to trust their voice.
By: Sumedha Bahri, J.D, B.S
Founder and tired Mom
About the Author
Sumedha Bahri is a Federal Oral Presentation and communication coach who helps people of all ages — from kindergarteners to business and federal executives — speak with confidence. She’s the founder of Highest Speak, a patent attorney, a biomedical engineer, a mom of a 2nd and 8th grader, and a former stand-up comic who believes every person deserves to be heard. She also occasionally receives questionable hair advice from her chatbot, Sam.
0 Comments